r e a d i n g . . .

Snow Falling on Cedars

________________________

君死にたまふことなかれ

    （旅順の攻囲軍にある
            弟宗七を歎きて）
   
    ああ、弟よ、君を泣く、
    君死にたまふことなかれ。
    末に生まれし君なれば
    親のなさけは勝りしも、
    親は刃をにぎらせて
    人を殺せと教へしや、
    人を殺して死ねよとて
    廿四までを育てしや。

   
    堺の街のあきびとの
    老舗を誇るあるじにて、
    親の名を継ぐ君なれば、
    君死にたまふことなかれ。
    旅順の城はほろぶとも、
    ほろびずとても、何事ぞ、
    君は知らじな、あきびとの
    家の習いに無きことを。
   
    君死にたまふことなかれ。
    すめらみことは、戦ひに
    おほみづからは出でまさね、
    互に人の血を流し、
    獣の道に死ねよとは、
    死ぬるを人の誉れとは、
    おほみこころの深ければ
    もとより如何で思されん。
   
    ああ、弟よ、戦ひに
    君死にたまふことなかれ。
    過ぎにし秋を父君に
    おくれたまへる母君は、
    歎きのなかに、いたましく、
    我子を召され、家を守り、
    安しと聞ける大御代も
    母の白髪は増さりゆく。
   
    暖簾のかげに伏して泣く
    あえかに若き新妻を
    君忘るるや、思へるや。
    十月も添はで別れたる
    少女ごごろを思ひみよ。
    この世でひとりの君ならで
    ああまた誰を頼むべき。
    君死にたまふことなかれ。

Friday, January 19, 2001
erk >< I just like, discovered the wonders of QuizQuiz a few days ago but now it won't let me connect to the servers. >< !!!!!!! WHY? -_- I know it isn't just because of busy times... I've tried connecting at like, every time of day and it wouldn't let me on. Why? ;_; Why? ;_; Someone please explain to me WHY it won't let me on! ;____;

Sunday, January 14, 2001
Read this, amazing ;_;

Bride and Groom Lie Hidden for Three Days

He sets the little circlets on her fingertips

She stitches his body here and there with steely purple silk

Sunday, January 14, 2001
erm o.x *coughs* I think I am coming down with something ,_,

Sunday, January 14, 2001
I wasn't online for a long time yesterday barely at *all*, so I'm gunna do a little recap of yesterday. I hope that's fine with you. :B

So. I was having *such* a crappy day, to be quite frank. :P I got up late again, Vu was going nuts about how late I was, then I didn't have my 15 bucks for Regions, and he asked Elise first who casually replied "Oh, yeah, I forgot" when he was in a seethingly bad mood. Then he asked me, who was already fucking pissed off to the extreme but said "I don't have it, I'm sorry ;_;" when he made this like, really obnoxious-sounding sigh and ranted about how he wasn't rich and he had to send the money today and how irresponsible it was of me (er, us, but he was acting like it was ME) Jesus! It's not like I *forgot,* I tried to tell him earlier that I didn't have the cash but he was pissed so I didn't want to upset him further XP Moving on, I took a disasterous precalc test -_- when I thought I knew the material this time >.<, a *horrible* presentation for French (Jon, who was around 6 inches away from me up at the overhead, was snickering the entire time, little weasel-faced bastard >.< I *hate* oral presentations, and I crumbled completely; I couldn't talk at *all* -_- Anyway. Not to mention I felt all icky when I woke up-- I was wearing my Monet t-shirt for the presentation which isn't stuff I'd normally dress in (normally I dress in dark clothes, mostly turtlenecks and bell-sleeved stuff, and whatever else I can afford :p) and my hair was a wreck x.x Ugh. So then, I ended up having to carry a *ton* of stuff home, and in the process ended up missing my bus, which I missed by a mere 30 seconds. -_-;;;;

So, I trudged off, upset because since my car is like, dying x.x I was figuring unless I couldn't find anyone to give me a ride home, I'd have to wait for the 4:05 bus. (The 3:05 bus doesn't stop anywhere near my street anymore; I'm not walkin up the fucking highway >.<) so I dropped into Mr. Satelly's office cause I was bored and wanted to hang out when I realized there were one-line solos being auditioned for this song we were doing for A Night in Vienna. Katie was there and Kindra was playing on the piano and Mr. Satelly, whose mood had noticibly improved (thankfully) asked me if I were trying out for the solo, which I had actually forgotten about ^^; I wasn't very interested but Katie, this freshman and little sister of a distant friend of mine was all like "No, no, don't try out, Pattie! ;_; I actually *want* a solo, you're so good, you don't need it... don't try out! please!?" O.O *L* So Mr. Satelly was like "She's going to try out! :P" And I was like "....urm.. okay..^^; whatever, why not :P" I at that point thought Kindra and Katie were both trying out for the solos, so I wasn't really going to try out since I really wanted them both to get something. But I got persuaded to ^^;

So we were sitting there talking while Kindra was playing randomly on the piano (she's *good* :D) and tried out and was all silly (this is a cheesy English opera where one section had to be edited 'cause we'd be singing repeatedly "let's be gay! let's be gay! let's be gay!' XD Can you tell it's so outdated? :P So, there's this line that goes "Sacher Torte" and Kindra was being silly and said it really exaggerated and Mr. S who liked that asked her to sing it like that XD So all three of us got guaranteed solos XD And I hadn't even meant to even try :P Neither had Kindra, apparently who had just like, missed the bus too :p Afterward, I asked them both if I could possibly get a ride from either of them home, and they both said they were taking the 3:05 bus home, which made me crushed ;_; I told them what happened and Kindra said "Okay, come home with me :D" I was like o.o for a minute cause I didn't know what to say and I was like "Why? o.o ^^;" And cool beans, Katie and Kindra were on the same bus :D So we walked out and got on the bus, me waddling cause I had all this crap in my arms (Jr. Portfolio project, bag, bag o' gym clothes and impressionist project materials, and my entire locker in my backpack x.x) and so, I went to Kindra's house and hung out and stuff :D

I swear, it's *so* weird being in her house to me, it's like the opposite of mine :p Here, there's three of us and a cat, in this big house where it's silent but not in different parts of the house where there's a random TV on, a random computer on (^_^;) and a random wandering cat :p *L* There it's like, the big house only full of people *_* which was fun ;_; It's so lonely here sometimes, I honestly wonder why I was born an only child. You find ways to amuse yourself, being alone so much but I admit, sometimes you do get so lonely all by yourself. ;_;

It was fun :D We were like, singing for a while (can you tell we're choir geeks? XD) and hung out in her room and stuff, talking a lot. Time kind of like, flew by which was surprising and yet really wasn't... Kindra's so easy to talk to, which is nice. ;_; I'm not comfortable around many people offline, and if I can talk easily with someone than it's very rare ;_; (well, I don't talk easily in general being more of a writer than a talker but oh well -_-') I stayed for dinner ^^; cause we forgot about the time and then they drove me home :p I had to go cause I had to break the news to my parents about my Saturday detention (I have NEVER gotten a detention up till this year -_-) I wish I could have gone to the party with her (she didn't want to go cause she was tired but she had to for some reason ;_;) but I couldn't, I felt icky still from that morning and I *had* to tell my parents the bad news xp But yay, going to Kindra's house made my day better ^_^; Everything was going horribly till after school. :P Kind of funny, isn't it? ^^;

And back to that damned detention... Because of this ridiculous new policy after a certain number of lates you get detentions and Saturday detentions, meaning today I was at the school for 4 hours >___< 8 to 12. -_- I was all freaked out and even more freaked out that I had to tell my parents this but when I was asking the vice-principal's secretary where to go for this and if it would be on my transcript, she was like "No, don't worry, it's not a big deal. Nothing to worry over, I know the rule's silly but don't worry." Yeah -_- I wish. XP So I went this morning, with my dad cursing a mile a minute over the fact that I was late again even to detention >.< (Even though I fucking WASN'T, I was early, damnit! ><) Erg. 4 hours of sitting around doing nothing. -_- But the teacher (who was my sub for history yesterday and was all joking about how he met me yesterday and thinking I was this sweet, good girl and here I was in Saturday detention and didn't belong here :p) let us out early because we were a well-behaved little bunch ^_^ I was relieved, I wasn't around a bunch of the "bad crowd" so to speak (you know, the kind you'd be afraid to be around -_-) but around other people who had suffered the sorry fate of the new rule handling lates. xp I sat there doing nothing but listen to my Discman and reading the Iliad again cause it's long and good and took up time. *_* I hope I NEVER get one of those again, it was horrible. x.x Went to get cat food, return a CD and a book to two separate libraries x.x;; went home, ate, and here I am. @_@

Sunday, January 14, 2001
;_; I've been cheered up ^_^V yay for friends ;_; *in AIM chat with Jenny and Pu* :D YAY! :D I'm so glad I got those two to meet ^_^

Saturday, January 13, 2001
my god -_- something happened, and I can't tell what. (I feel kind of silly putting it like that but I really am upset and need an outlet for my anger/hurt) but I *can* say that this God Lives Underwater song SO fits my mood right now. I need to direct this at someone soon.

I hate to
Break it to you
But this convenience ain't convenient anymore
Now I realize I had different eyes
Back when I thought this was a good thing
Here I am my anger and me
Temper makes it hard to see
This situation I'm in again
Everything must come to an end now
There's some things that I want to do
And I don't want to lie to you
But it still makes me go
And do the things I know
All wrong
I'll dig to
Learn about you
I'm sure I'll find you were as evil as me
We can call it even
You can let me leave then
You can leave me to my own thing

Saturday, January 13, 2001
hmm... first post.. What to say? Ah, crap. xp Anyway, this weblog is more of a babble log for me... which is good therapy for me I suppose? *_* Gah. : Hope this works. -_- *stares at layout* *_* Well, wuu. About this layout, it's oriented for IE4+, frames, 800 by 600 screen res. and an obsessive adoration for Aya. *flees* :P Don't take the yummy Aya pics, kudasai! >< I scanned those from my copy of Ja! Weiß vol. 3. Go scan your own damn copy if you want it. *L* :p (well, I've been too lazy to put up my doujinshi scans... but oh well :p) ~Gwen @)~~>~~>~~~